Homestead Dreams

I have hopes of one day owning a small homestead.  My family is not one of wealth.  The only things I personally own are an old pickup truck (my baby); my life; my name; and the works of my mind and my hands.  

I'm a crafter, I am a empathetic/dedicated individual; and I strive to do my best in all things.  If I undertake a task; I will see it through to the best of my ability.  I have a job, but a transfer will be necessary.  I have a leg injury which makes manual labor a bit of a chore, but not having insurance made it worse.  Knowing I can be fired at any time even though I am doing my best is scary.  I spent over eight months acquiring this job after a COVID-era job loss.  Only to be sidelined by a serious injury.  

Why homesteading, one may ask?  Because this is the one dream I had that was really just for myself.  My other life dreams were informed by the needs of others.  Many of whom no longer view me with anything but malice. They weren't really my dreams. Now, most of my dreams are way out of reach anyway.  I feel as if I have wasted my entire life.

Yes, I wanted to homestead in order to have a farmer's market to feed the homeless/less fortunate.  Needless to say, I also now fit into this category. Sure, I wanted to open a food bank.  But those are add-ons.  Pluses, if you will.  The main goal, was to always live off the land.  To be at peace with it.  To walk absently through a field, lay under the warm sun, stand in the pouring rain, and be completely at ease.  

I have extreme anxiety due to continual life stressors.  I've craved a quiet life for many years now.  It's reached the point where I have to admit that those around me are not adding anything positive to my life.  I need a shift.  I've tried everything.  GoFundMe, other fundraisers, selling goods, online stores, selling works, odd jobs, checking auction sites, applying for services and grants.  No one will help.  I really do just need help and to leave where I am.  Starting with fixing my truck.  I can't leave my truck.  She and I are peas in a pod.  We've got a lot of life left but one thing keeps holding us up.  I bought this truck in hard times, and she has been through hard times with me.  She's like an old friend.  Even the truck brand and kind is the only dream I have achieved since my youth.

I hate the idea of owning land, but that is the reality we live in.  Nothing is free.  I just need a little help to rebuild and dig myself out of this existential crisis I find myself in.  By helping others I can help myself.  Have truck.  Need to travel.  Need a new reality.

Thank you.

Looking to move this summer to the midwest states from the south.

I hope I do not sound negative.  I am simply stating truth.